Can't sleep, yadda yadda. It doesn't help that there's no heat in my apartment (there's something wrong with the radiators) ... or that the economy is going in the tank, or that I'm freaked about the election, or that the people who think hateful, racist things about Obama both enrage and scare the living crap out of me. Also I got a medical checkup today and hade two needles poked into my arm, and now it hurts and I can't extend it very far, which makes me feel a little like John McCain.
So. I just wanted to post two things, very belatedly, about my trip to Las Vegas two weekends ago.
1. How to Gamble
In Vegas, it turned out that of the large party headed out there to celebrate my brother's 40th birthday, only he and I liked to gamble. And by gamble, I mean take up a position at a green felt table with a stack of chips and DO something, not sit in front of a slot machine hitting the same button over and over again.
I realized pretty quickly that some of the people liked to play at slot machines and were intrigued by more; they were just scared, because they didn't know how to play all them fancy other games. Ah, the old Tables Are Scary affliction. I know it well.
Well, despite the $325 I won at blackjack over the course of the weekend, I'm more proud of teaching Tim to play blackjack -- and he won $100! Casinos just know when it's your first time, don't they? They get you on that winning high, and you come back for more, and soon enough splat, you're broke and selling your first-born children for just one more buy-in.
But blackjack and craps are not scary. They are not intimidating, they are not hard, and the odds are far, far better than they are for slots machines. More fun, too. And I can explain each to you in a mere few sentences. Ready? I'm going to assume you know the rules, more or less; what you really need to know is how to play. And then you will never be tempted by slots again.
Blackjack
There are two fundamental things to remember in blackjack. 1. Assume that every card you can't see is a 10 (since there are more 10s -- remember, face cards count as 10 -- than any other card in the deck). 2. Per house rules, the dealer has to hit if she has less than 17, and stay if she has 17 or more.
This means the goal of the game is NOT to concentrate on making your own hand add up to 21; it's to judge your hand against the likelihood that the dealer will bust.
For example. You have a 5 and an 8, or 13 total. Not a great hand, right? But wait! The dealer has a 6 card showing, and one card turned face down. Assuming her face-down card is a 10 (see rule 1 above), which would give her 16, you decide to stay with your lowly 13. She flips her card, it's a 10, giving her 16; now she has to hit (see rule 2 above), she gets another 10, she's BUSTED with 26 points, and you win.
Does that make sense? Essentially, if the dealer is showing a 2, 3, 4, 5, or 6, odds are that her facedown card is a 10, giving her 12, 13, 14, 15, or 16. If that's the case, she has to hit, and a 10 would bust any of those. So if that's the situation, and you have anywhere from 12 to 16 points in your hand, you stay pretty, and hope that she busts. If you have anywhere from 12 to 16 and she's showing a 7 or better, then you should hit, figuring she's got you beat unless you better your hand.
Kapish? Just remember, if the dealers has 16 or lower there's a good likelihood she'll bust; 17 or higher she's got the upper hand. Oh and another thing -- if you're playing for the first time, hang out and watch a while, get a feel for the table. What I've outlined above are actual rules, and so if you're playing at a table of serious blackjack players, and you've got 15 and the dealer's got a 6 showing and you hit, the table will get mad at you. Not just because you did it wrong, but also because the card the dealer gave you technically "belonged" to another player. Like, you took the 10 that the next guy needed to make 21. And that's a no-no. You may have to give him your second-born son just to make peace.
Craps
I've met about ten people who have wailed "I just don't understand craps!" and answered them with the soothing words, "I can explain it to you in two sentences." They calm down, as if I've just shot them with a tranquilizer dart. "Here it is," I say. "The shooter rolls the dice. Whatever number he rolls, that's 'the point.' Let's say it's a 4. And from then on, the goal of the game is simply to roll another 4 before he rolls a 7. If he rolls a 7, everyone loses. If he rolls a 4, everyone wins. And that's it! Everything else is just side bets -- you can bet on numbers, combinations, you name it -- that keep on riding the table and paying off until a 4 or a 7 is rolled."
"Oh?" the person asks, a little dead in the eyes, clearly feeling cheated somehow. "That's IT? My two-year-old Labrador could have invented that!" (OK, no one's ever said that, but I know they're thinking it.)
There's something else about playing the odds, which I never remember but the nice dealers always explain it to me, but otherwise that's craps. It's communal and fun -- when the table is hot, everybody wins! The crowd cheers like you're at a sporting event. But the downside is when you lay all your bets and side bets carefully out all over the table, and then the very next roll is a 7 .... WHAMMY. Aaaall your money gone. Boo.
Anyway this has been your primer on gambling at tables. Come try it with me sometime. It's not addictive at all, mwahahahaha. But seriously. Slots are for suckers.
In the meantime, pictures from the best restaurant we ate at, Lotus of Siam. In all likelihood it's the best Thai food I've ever eaten. Until I go to Thailand, that is.
This is either Drunken Duck or Crispy Pork With Thai Vegetables. Either way, heavenly.
Short Ribs With Noodles. I, who love short ribs, was a doubter. No more.
Fried Whole Catfish. Yum.
And the Palace itself
